She is Bitten Smitten

Male-Female friendships are tricky. For as long as I can remember, I've always been surrounded by men. Now, I don't mean to sound so much as a ho, but truth is, I've always had plenty of male friends. And half that plenty are gay. I do love my gay friends. They are creative, interesting, fun, honest, fashionable, trendy, and most of all, downright loyal. When I was a student and was a wee bit naughty, I remember always feeling safe when I was with my gay friends. But I digress. My friendships with my gays are not the tricky bit. I can even say they have been the most constant.

I am talking about my friendships with the men of the straight kind. And of these, I admit, I don't have a lot.

I can honestly think of two friendships with straight men that I can truly say have been a cut above the rest. One was a guy I had met on a student conference. We were polar opposites. He was a student activitist while I was the campus poster girl. But for some reason, we just got on really well. We wrote long letters to each other, spoke on the phone often, and we saw each other when we can. Nothing romantic about it all. He had a girlfriend, which for strange reasons, I never actually met. We still keep in touch now via Facebook, but distance and life took its toll and we just don't "talk" as much as used to.

The the other friend is a guy I met during my first year working in Japan. He was on a one-year internship in Tokyo and we had met at church. We got on like wildfire. We spent a lot of time together, just us two and with other people. There wasn't any physical attraction of any sort--we were more like brother and sister. He was great fun and a great character, but also a bit too smug and cocky--which I both loved and loathed. We were very honest with each other. I remember one day, we were analysing our friendship and he told me, "See, this is why we work. I know you don't fancy me." And to which I replied, "Because you are definitely not my type." There was a lot of banter, and pretty much a lot of fun. His year in Japan ended and he went back to the UK. I felt so lost initially. I had lost the Clyde to my Bonnie. But as you do, I got on with my life and a few months later, I met my husband. That is a completely different story... but fast forward to five years later and we are married and decide to move to the UK. I thought my friend and I can pick up where we left off now that we were in the same country again. But after that one time the three of us got together and it was evident that he didn't get along with my husband, I knew things had changed. We did try to make it work, but at the end of it, there was really no way. We had a massive falling out and sadly, we have lost touch.

I do miss having a male friend. The sad truth is that when you have a friendship with a man who is totally outside your relationship with your husband, it takes hard work. I don't think my husband is the jealous type. But if he feels uncomfortable about my friendship with another dude, I'm afraid, I have to take his side. It's an awful thing to say. But things just become so different when you get married. Suddenly, you can't just open up thoughts and feelings to another person of the opposite sex without your partner feeling somewhat cheated.

It's all very strange. And a little bit unfortunate.

But it does make me wonder though. Is it possible for a married person to have a deep friendship with a person of the opposite sex, without jeopardising anything?